Between Halloween and Valentine’s Day the average weight gain is 15 lbs
Let’s face it, during winter, people not only wanna hibernate….they are forced to slow down and face their emotions
Which they don’t know how to self soothe any other way than sugar, alcohol and fast food for those dopamine hits to quite the mind
I know
I’ve been there and grief/abandonment wounds were usually at the CORE of those choices I made that didn’t serve me long term, but sure seemed to in the short term!
But I have some basic tips and reminders for you today…..to help you NOT beat yourself up….and find compassion for yourself AND your emotions AND heal your body mind along the way
Since I have specialized in Grief Recovery these last 3 years, I have learned a LOT about how intense life transitions can be
AND how it impacts the brain
One of the biggest wounds that gets activated with many of the grief stricken life circumstances is the abandonment wound
It does something to us DEEPLY
At a chemical level AND heart brain level – even shutting down our root chakra and inciting a deep level of fear/scarcity and unsafety in our central nervous system
This is NO small task to transmute or transform, especially the older we get
When someone dies, we feel abandoned or have a huge sense of sudden loss
When someone has alzheimer’s or mental illness, we may feel abandoned because the person has changed so much
When someone moves, we may feel a sense of abandonment
Divorce is a HUGE abandonment opening wound – it’s like grieving 2-3 things all at once EVEN though the other person is still alive!
Empty nesting and seeing your chicks fly out of the nest….while exciting, can also leave you feeling “left”
Even moving for happy reasons, retiring, etc., can all bring up the wounds of abandonment of “the way things were”
So, if you had any kind of abandonment (death, divorce, friends moving, break ups, changing schools, etc) as a child, it can rock your world and create a void in your little hearts…..that leads into our adulthood
For as kids, especially in those first 7 years, we crave safety and stability
Honestly, we deserve it
even what may seem like the smallest wounding, can lead to some of the biggest pains in our adult life
I know this all too well, not just from coaching and healing certifications
But also my very own journey of death, loss, break ups galore, business partners leaving, mentors jumping ship, moving and the list goes on and on and on.
Most of these events can inspire grief, anger, guilt, shame and fear.
AND this is normal – 1000% normal
What is NOT normal is our ability to give ourselves enough time and space TO grieve.
And teach ourselves how to hold ourselves and our inner child, to help us regain that sense of safety that we were born with. As we are/were born whole, perfect and complete
However, MOST of us (if not 100% of us) were ever given those tools
Schools don’t teach it
Churches don’t teach it
Colleges don’t teach it
ADDED to that is we still have DNA and parts of our brain that came from our ancestors
After spending thousands of years in the wild, our ancestors’ brains were designed to place a high value on salt, sugar and fat to fuel their bodies and minds to keep them alive and well. They didn’t have convenience or liquor stores on every corner. These tools were rarities to our ancestors as they roamed the earth and lands to have easily accessible so when they did have them, they were rationed and used in a sacred, slow and sustainable way
Our brains have been pre-programmed since our ancestral times to crave rewards for safety and stability and find comfort in food
Food and water are and were basic needs and 50000 years ago, they were NOT easily accessible.
TODAY, our paleolithic brains that we still possess can throw us off and we live in a calorie rich and high sugar/instant gratification environment (hello – just walk into a grocery store or 7-11 and HELLO comfort!
And often times, those of us who don’t have the tools needed to help us soothe ourselves in healthy ways for our body mind and spirit to align….well, it is sooooo easy to find sugar/salt/alcohol/fast food and anything to fuel us as a quick “fix” of solace.
Placing a high value on salt, sugar and fat today doesn’t help us, in fact, it can become an addictive behavior, a crutch or a self soothing coping mechanism to get thru a stressful day
The craving persists because our brain’s reward center hasn’t changed for approximately 50,000 years
SO, the bottom line here my friends, is to make friends with your body mind
To be curious and compassionate about your cravings, especially after someone dies or you divorce or have a deep abandonment or neglect wound surface.
I didn’t do that for over a decade and developed closet alcoholism and wore a lot of masks while white knuckling it through life.
The upside is that I got to figure out how to be curious and compassionate to my inner child self soothing choices and not judge myself (much) anymore.
I am still human and occasionally the judgy bitch comes out!
But even she has her purpose
Here are my top 5 core fundamentals that helped me, and still help me today, keep myself and my inner child in check, much happier, healthier and can process grief and abandonment triggers sooooo much faster (because guess what, they don’t completely ever go away!)
1. Meditation – daily practice of my own making
2. Breathwork or some form of deep breathing exercises to get out of the fight or flight or freeze response when triggered and overall helps me process stuff and regulate my central nervous system
3. Kundalini yoga and kriyas – this is MONEY in the bank every time I do one of these….and there is one for nearly every emotion, every organ, every chakra, to help me stay in mind body spirit alignment. I often cry like a baby when I am moving thru something potent….sooooo good
4. Nutrition – focusing on healthy eating and nourishment….slowing down when I eat and having gratitude before each meal. I also make sure to get the right foods for my mood, energy level, time of day, etc.
5. Shadow work alchemy – I am certified in this and made my own alchemy process. However, all you need to do is simply honor the fear/shame/guilt/insert negative feeling/though here and honor it. Say “I see you, you are loved, you are safe” and put your hand on your heart and call in the OPPOSITE emotion (love, joy, happiness, pride, humility, etc) and embody it to the deepest level. Visualize it. Name it. Speak it out loud! Your body mind is listening!
CLICK HERE if you are a woman between the age of 40-60 and you wanna heal your grief/loss/abandonment wound
Or email me if you want a free one time consultation to help you self discover what is your next best step to healing
For, I believe, the best is yet to come! Don’t give up!
Find the right support system and mentors and you will get where you wanna go!
I did
And for that I am grateful – I can honestly say, I have never had more joy, bliss and peace in my life as I do RIGHT NOW, thanks to having daily tools that get me to where I wanna go! (and even when I am sad/depressed…..I can find gratitude for those emotions showing me there is more to work thru!)