FORGIVENESS….THE JOURNEY OF A SALESWOMAN & COACH GOING WITHIN
Today I am going to have a deeply spiritual and philosophical conversation with you around forgiveness and letting go.
My hope is actually not so much to teach, but rather open your mind to a different viewpoint on forgiveness by sharing my story and answering two questions for you as we go thru this conversation.
What is forgiveness?
Webster says: the action or process of forgiving or being forgiven OR stop feeling angry or resentful toward someone for an offense, flaw or mistake
I also say it is a sign that you have forgiven an event, person, place or thing for harming you, when you are no longer triggered – the wound has been healed.
Even, to cancel (like a debt) – forgive the trespass so to speak
Today I want to answer two questions and guide you thru a forgiveness & letting go exercise to help you navigate this journey with ease and grace
- Why is forgiveness and letting go so important?
- How does one get to the root cause?
FIRST- why is forgiveness and letting go so important?This I want to start out by first sharing my story and how by NOT forgiving myself and others, I was STUCK and on autopilot without even knowing.
My forgiveness and letting go realization journey started December of 2020….as I was hitting rock bottom as a saleswoman, mother/wife….finding myself looking in the mirror of realizing I had become someone I knew, intrinsically, I was NOT
I had become a binge drinking workaholic, lost in the chase of the “hussle” and being seen, heard and paid, making a handsome amount of money every month (upwards to $50K/month and very consistent $20-30k months).
Yet, something was way off.
Something was missing.
I couldn’t put my finger on it.
I didn’t “feel” happy – I felt very disconnected and sad inside.
When I started to reflect slow down and reflect, I had some rude wake up call realizations.
I took a look in the proverbial mirror and didn’t like what I saw.
Meaning, I had gained 30 lbs since my father died in 2018….and thrown myself into working….to mask my pain from NOT knowing who I was, or what I wanted. I had found myself in a sales career selling for others that wasn’t my true nature and purpose from roughly 2014-2019, all the while picking up people pleasing behaviors that did NOT resonate with my Spirit (and yet I had done them anyway to “fit” in)
I had been wearing a mask – playing a game of gnarly charades with myself in society.
I felt like a bad mom and wife
Asking herself, “How the hell did I get here?”
That was a question that would begin an 18 month journey into self-realization
A painful, shadowy filled journey that I didn’t know where it would lead me to
I asked myself, what had led me to be on this autopilot journey?
That question would teach me much about the ways of forgiveness and self-love, self compassion
Things that I had forgotten for the past 10+ years of my life due to societal programming, childhood trauma and being driven by things that were not my truth in a patriarchal, masculine dominant world.
Have you ever felt like you were on a hamster wheel and not sure why history kept repeating itself?
Chasing success and yet it felt more and more elusive along the way?
I found a mentor who told me that I needed to “wake up” to who I truly was
What he said resonated with me – as I didn’t really feel myself
I then read the Surrender Experiment, by Michael A Singer and realized I had become a “human doing”, avoiding my pain and fear and I didn’t know why
A journey of total surrender and waving the white proverbial flag of totally “not knowing”
I knew I needed help and my mentor told me to go within to find the answers, just as Michael Singer did
I started to slow down and create more spaciousness in my days/weeks in order to go within and truly find forgiveness for myself – for one can’t forgive others without first forgiving themselves.
What I didn’t know was that I had succumbed to a “masculine” way of doing things and living my life.
The system of the world had forced my hand. I felt I had to “do” more in order to be successful.
Comparing my levels of success with others, trying to match their pace and materialism focuses as that measurement of success.
Surely, I thought, the more money I make, the more “stuff” I have, the better person I will be, right?
I found myself trending toward the way of Being “like everyone else”
I realized that I had hated myself – I piled on grief, self-judgment and had no compassion or forgiveness for myself
Forgiveness is a feminine energy – a loving motherly energy – that I had missed or forgotten due to not having a mother growing up mself and having been raised by a single dad, I really had gone masculine dominant.
I believe society has also played a role in that – we have been shown success is money, logic, doing, numbers driven and I realized I was out of balance within myself.
And that nothing OUTSIDE of me was going to fulfill that balance.
I had to go inward.
Once I made that realization, I could start the healing process and inner journey.
I learned that I felt dead inside, because I had stuffed down my fear, my anger, my shame and had zero forgiveness for myself and was holding on to past resentments
I didn’t allow those feeling to be seen, be heard – let alone forgiven.
Like a little child who just wanted to cry, yell and scream – I got to let those feelings come through and it was scary.
Yet my mentors told me, you can’t feel positive emotions without feeling the negative – which was foreign to me because I thought I couldn’t feel those negative, I thought it was a sign of weakness…..
Yet I took a leap of faith and started to feel and acknowledge those feelings of shame, anger, sadness, feeling alone and “not enough”
AND I couldn’t do that without also recognizing who and what I needed to forgive, for not allowing those emotions/feelings to show up for far too long.
I would lie awake sleepless nights, experiencing these emotions.
And even though I knew much of this came from my childhood traumas of abandonment, I had NEVER addressed them.
I realized first and foremost that my “running” and “DOING” behaviors were inspired by a big adult event that triggered my choices.
Part of what I found was I had anger and resentment and shame due to my business failure in 2007 when I lost everything in the great recession – I had actually even become homeless for a year, had my bank accounts cleaned out, my car repossessed and felt so much judgment from family and society
It was perceived judgment – that I didn’t fully understand or knew where they came from….but I chose to wear those judgments for 14 years…..thru 2021.
I know now I never forgave and let go.
It was those judgments and resentments that drove me in life – that held me hostage – that I had never learned how to forgive or get to the root cause of. That led me into trauma responses of people pleasing, overcommitting, over working, over drinking – to fill that void of “not enough” and running from my anger/shame/hurts
Ironically by not realizing this, I kept choosing business partners, clients, friends, and more events that amplified my “not enoughness”
That caused more resentments that I chose to unconsciously HOLD ON TO and keep repeating the same mistakes – over working, over drinking, over doing.
It was a vicious cycle – a self fulfilling prophecy of what I resisted to forgive and look at, it kept persisting
NOW let me ask you – Has that ever happened for you?
Do you have any unresolved resentments toward events, family, partners that may unconsciously be driving your daily decisions?
Think about that for a moment
Even write it down if one comes thru for you
What did that event cause for your heart? What emotions did you stuff down from that?
That is where the magic answers – where the forgiveness journey – start
Once I recognized that I was holding on to those pains and resentments and not enoughness, I got to learn to trust what I was feeling and BE with it.
I learned to walk through my fears, having found coaches/mentors to help me walk through this scary path. In a few minutes I will teach you an exercise I learned to do with myself and my clients to h elp me walk thru this with ease and grace.
To learn to hold myself in the fear and not chase it away.
I found that loving myself, having compassion and forgiving those fears those people and experiences created, those “bad” feelings, was the key. I started to feel bliss and joy again.
My Ego started to dissolve and the mind chatter started to disappear!
As I gave myself permission to heal and forgive myself, I could let go of unhealthy patterns.
I realized the root causes of my binge drinking and workaholism came from that desire to numb out those emotions in my body that were desperately trying to get my attention.
Slowly everything changed.
I lost 30 lbs, I found my truth, my lifelong digestive issues disappeared, I created a healthy relationship with alcohol and food, I relearned how to nourish myself, I healed my marriage and relationship with kids. I let go of the past and had no more grievances, so my view of the world changed forever.
I am most excited that I got to break generational curses – the deepest root cause for me – related to health, dis-ease and wealth! I learned that dis-ease doesn’t run in the family and I am not a victim to their circumstances
SECOND QUESTION – How does one get to the root cause?
In Colin Tipping’s book, Radical Forgiveness, he said radical means getting to the root cause in order to truly LET GO and forgive and heal
He also blew my mind with a paradigm shift – from a spiritual and metaphysical perspective, radical forgiveness means that nothing wrong ever happened to you or me.
We chose these bodies – these Soul journeys – which means we chose our ancestors, we chose our parents, we chose Soul contracts with people who have caused us harm. We came here as compassionate, loving Souls, to earth school to live a life filled with lessons to remember who we truly are – love, light and human BEINGS.
Think about that for a second
All the hurts or events of your life happened FOR YOU, versus TO YOU
We get to have a cognitive shift around resentments and pains – we get to rewire our brains back into balance. I call it superconscious healing – our superconscious is our Soul, a quantum level of consciousness that is here before we come into our bodies and still here when we leave. It is our heart mind. It is the seat of loving compassion. This is the place of curiosity – kindness – passion – desire.
When we connect our superconscious with our head brain – that is when true healing/forgiveness can begin
I did lots of meditation not only around my parents and painful partners and many lifetime events over the past 18 months – too many stories to share and recount here
I used plant medicine and microdosing as key tools, as well as breathwork and somatic therapy, kambo frog medicine and hape and sananga for grounding
I also connected with my ancestral roots -I discovered my forgiveness and letting go went more than 7 generations back on my mom and dad’s side…….one highlight that was profound was my deep connection to germanic paganism – during the Christian era, the Chrisians took over and forced conversion upon the pagans so they no longer lived their true choice or true way of Being…..they carried shame and “not enoughness” around who they truly are being forced to become someone they were NOT. They suffered much famine and scarcity of their lands as a result as well (and oh how I embodied in this lifetime with my real estate loss, and “famine” that followed that
And my list can go on and on and on of what I learned from my ancestors in prayer/meditation and trance (NOTE I can coach you on this, this should NOT be done alone, nor any shadow work for that matter – find someone trained and skilled in loving kindness.)
I now offer up ancestral regressions with my clients in person and online and the breakthrus they are having are countless
It is all about getting to the root cause with love, ease and guided grace
Here are my 5 steps to recreating that for YOU that were a huge part of my forgiveness journey
To break generational curses for your best health and wealth
- Choose what you REALLY want to heal – meditate on that for a moment. Really owning what YOU want. Not what society says you SHOULD want. What is your heart’s desires?
Write that down in a sentence or two – simple things, for example: I choose the end result of health and vitality OR I choose the end result of living the life I love OR I choose a life of abundance! Heal relationship? Health? Financial abundance?
Write that down
- Identify the limiting belief or self sabotage technique you have chosen that has been holding you back from achieving that. Is it a judgment imposed upon you by society?
Is it a resentment of a Family member? Religious wound? Life event – divorce – childhood trauma?
Is it not worthy?
Need to be perfect?
Feeling alone or abandoned? Separate?
Write that feeling AND if you can pinpoint now who/what/when/where that feeling started – write that down – if you dno’t know, don’t write anything
- On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being you are already there at the end result of having that IDEAL life – filled with love, bliss, joy, acceptance, peace, etc. Where do you stand?
With 1 being so far from it you can’t even see/visualize or feel anything
Write down your score and where you believe may be the root cause of that limitation – family – societal pressures – ancestral roots – limiting beliefs deeply engrained in your subconscious.
- Now let’s visualize that perfect 10!! CLOSE your eyes and tune in with the 5 senses – sight, smell, taste, touch, feeling – who are you with, where are you? What are you experiencing? Smelling? Tasting? Emotions?
- Now let’s feel into that RESISTANCE – that lack of forgiveness….that lack, that limiting belief, that you are holding on to that is holding back the love and compassion that forgiveness can bring you FREEDOM. What does resistance look like? Feel like? Taste like? Sound like?
meditate on that……AND THEN send forgiveness to it. Send love to it. Send compassion to it. By “it” being seen, heard and loved…..it now has an opportunity to be healed.
YOU forgave YOU
For all of your experiences in life are your greatest teachers
Your greatest moments
They just need that time to be seen – be heard
That is what collapsing time frames and healing generational curses is all about
Now you are on to experience your best health and your best wealth
From Love Without Conditions with Paul Ferrini,
His chapter entitled, The Way of Forgiveness
“I have chosen the way of forgiveness because it alone undoes the lock of time upon the wound, when there is no time, there is no wound. Let go of the past and you will have no grievances. It is simple, is it not? Time makes the wound seem real, it makes death seem real. It makes all the changes that happen in your life seem real. Yet, none of these are real. If you can be without time for a single instant, and I assure you that you can, you would understand your salvation. In that timeless moment, nothing you have ever said or done means anything. In that moment, there is nothing to own. No past, no future, no identity. There is just the moment of pure Being. Of non-separateness, of non-judgment. This is the moment you have all the time without knowing it.”
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