Since the theme of the month is relationships for my clients, myself and the energies on the planet, I wanted to expand upon other “relationships” where we become codependent upon things in an unhealthy, grasping, self soothing way that can cause us pain and suffering

Today I want to go a bit deeper on this topic to share more wisdom, insights of what I have learned from coaching over 10,000 people in health/fitness/nutrition/mental health/overcoming addictions since the year 2000

NOTE:  Scroll all the way down if you wanna get to the tips FAST….although make sure to read this WHOLE blog post.  I have a LOT of foundational info in here you can benefit from to get your wheels turning!

I’ve witnessed and coached people thru a LOT of struggles, true choices, unhealthy choices, limiting beliefs, self sabotage and FREEDOM for those who truly leaned in and did the work, without givin up (or yo-yoing thru life)

Today I will focus more unhealthy relationships with food and alcohol (you can add in nicotine and drugs here too)

Because, even though all these beverages/foods/substances are in actually neutral tools (meaning they can’t talk to us or force us to be friends :-), they can all have formed abusive, over consumed, dependent and unhealthy, toxic relationships with us.  

What I learned is that they (and people) simply mirror what is going on (or not) inside of our Being/Soul/Life path very much like people can draw out the not-so-best in us

And when that happens, the worst thing we can do is simply give up those “relationships” (hey, a girl has got to eat food to live) and not do the inner work to heal ourselves, love ourselves and move THRU the shame/guilt/fear that often come along as side effects of those unhealthy relationships.

Last week I blogged about codependency and how religions/cult wounding stems from a deep sense of abandonment or limiting beliefs around “I am not enough” or “I am not worthy” or even “I am alone”

When we operate from those limiting beliefs that most of us were modeled from our parents, grandparents, and (I believe) our ancestral DNA or epigenetics, then we are often on autopilot and, as Carl Jung teaches, opearting from our UNCONSCIOUS mind.

Again, having coached over 10,000 people since the year 2000 in health/fitness/nutrition/addictions and overall mental health and a sense of well Being, I have been in the trenches of witnessing how these unconscious behaviors and self sabotage limiting beliefs can be our UNdoing.

If 80-90% of our external world results (health/wealth/relationships, etc) are a projection of what is going on from our unconscious thoughts/beliefs/patterns…..how do we change that?

First step, is awareness

Second, is to go inward (with help) and find out how to shift our internal game, so our outer game can manifest our truest heart’s desires!

Third step, BE PATIENT – Rome wasn’t built in a day and in our current instant gratification society, you can NOT text or have “an app for that” and suddenly, POOF, you are a changed man/woman/Being.

But what if how you are operating….isn’t all YOU?

This is where my study of ancestors, parental inherited beliefs/shadows/DNA comes in.

This is more than simply a “nature” vs “nurture” conversation of living environment and your upbringing.

I have been studying more about epigenetics outside of my ancesral trauma/shadow work certification through my yoga certification recently and it has further shown via science/biology that we are born with predispositions of sorts that can plague us our whole life

Epigenetics refers to how your behaviors and environment can cause changes that affect the way your genes work. Unlike genetic changes (mutations), epigenetic changes are reversible and do not change the sequence of DNA bases, but they can change how your body reads a DNA sequence.

Once you master and truly understand how YOU and your DNA works – you can fully RESPOND more to life versus REACT.

You can also then be the master of your conscious choices/habits

And THAT my friends will magnetize, over time, better health, better wealth and much better high vibing relationships that are worthy of YOUR awesomeness.

More on that specific scientific topics in future blog posts.

For all these reasons, and from my own personal experience/journey, it is also why I talk openly about my alcoholism issues, my workaholism, social media addiction and then some that I struggled with for nearly a decade from an UNCONSCIOUS space

I had this drive inside of me to what to OVERDO, OVER consume anything that was given to me, overachieve, over perform, etc.

Can you relate?

There are positive traits to that, such as getting work done on time, being great at sports and academics, as well as musical disciplines.

I never realized what shadows were lurking inside of my unconscious mind, however, that were waiting for me in my 20s and 30s that were setting me up for overdoing things out of fear and trauma responses.

And much of what I chose (consciously and very much UNconsciously) to consume via food/drink, as well as relationships, mentors, partners, etc., all helped me bring out my self sabotage shadows and limiting beliefs and addictive behaviors to the next next level.

I did define codependency with a more clinical definition in my last blog post

However, today I want to share my definition.

To me, codependency is an unhealthy spin off of interdependency (will define that next), which both is a learned behavior from childhood AND is born in us thru ancestral DNA on both mom and dad’s side (also connected via the science of epigenentics)

Essentially, as children, we are codependent until we are 18 (some maybe a lot longer) on our parents who feed us, clothe us, put a roof over our head, etc.  

We may not have had a whole lot of interdependence modeled to us until we went to school, but even then we were beholden to the school rules,

And with religious institutions it could have varied for you (more on that in the last blog), we could have been interdependent or codependent.

My friend Jim Jones, a Naturalist and Taoist, refers to co-dependent differently and says that we are co-dependent upon the earth, our relationships, etc., and that we need each other.

So I guess it depends on how healthy you see co-dependency or not.

For the sake of myself, my clients and my personal calling, my goal for you is to find a sense of FREEDOM and interdependence with food/alcohol/human relationships/mother earth and her resources.

It is a sacred exchange that honors both components – whether it be people/food/earth, etc.

There is a mutual respect and honoring.

For to me that is the most balanced and healthy way to look at it.

It’s kind of like which came first, the chicken or the egg?

My answer is BOTH – they have an interdependent healthy exchange that is synergistic and supporting both.  It is more natural – more organic (pun intended if you like organic eggs!) 

Depending on how healthy your formed relationships and support was with your parents, you may have had conditions that weren’t ideal and you had to sort of raise yourself, which may have led to neglect, which created unhealthy habits/behaviors while your brain was still forming.

I know our parents all did the best they could with what was given….however, many of us Gen Xers or early millenniels may have been latch key kids and very much raised ourselves (I am an X-enniel born in 1977, so on the cusp in between these two eras)

I would get home after school and down a bunch of kool-aid, white bread or mac ‘n cheese and veg out watching hours of TV.  Luckily I did have music to practice, chores to do eventually….but I was pretty much on my own and learning how to give myself lots and lots of dopamine hitting sugar, TV and mindless activity to fill mytime

What I didn’t know is that was fueling my still very much forming brain with dopamine addiction and numbing/self soothing behaviors that would set me up for later in life.

In my 20s I found fitness addiction, sugar, Starbucks and just kept the dopamine flowing/growing – all the while had digestive issues/bloating/constipation and stressing out my already stressed out cortisol levels

This caught up to me in my early 30s when I got my first experience of anxiety attacks, depression, suicidal thoughts and chronic fatigue

ONLY in my 30s!  

Over the last 17 years I added in many other numbing, self soothing behaviors to cope with the stressors of marriage/parenting and business highs/lows (woohoo entrepreneurship!)

I feel like I got a college course the last 4 years on the school of “unlearning”

The school of realizing, wow, I overdid a LOT of things for nearly 40 years

And happy to say that I (and many client testimonials) don’t struggle with those “addictions”/self soothing items much at all anymore.  So it only took about 3ish years to unlearn the 40+  years of unhealthy habits

Where does one begin with healing their relationship with these foods/drinks/substances?

Let me tell you my top tips

Do you struggle with emotional eating/alcohol/nicotine or drug dependency?

Here are my best tips to start the healing process with awareness.

1.  Take a look back at your childhood for about 15-20 minutes – did you set yourself up for these addictive behaviors as a young child or teen?  Your brain takes 25 years to fully form, give or take.   Did you consume a lot of sugar, coffee, food or introduce yourself to alcohol or nicotine before the age of 20?  Studies show that addictions can spring forth/stem from early introduction to the dopamine hits and become very a much a part of our unconscious mind system

   If this is a YES (and let’s face it, I think 90% of us had that early start, especially if you came from a dysfunctional family in any way), then you can love your little inner child and give him/her/them a hug and acknowledge them for doing the best THEY could given the circumstances.

2. Journal how often/when you have cravings for  alcohol/emotional eating/nicotine/substance use – what time of day can speak to your neurotransmitters, but also make you more conscious of how you are spending your time, what may be a theme of your triggers (people you see, your job, checking email too often, texting, etc., can all lead to disassociation of being present in the moment and looking for an easy out, ie food/drink/substance, to escape the moment you are in)
3. Meditate or do some deep breathing every morning or every night – this helps your parasympathetic central nervous system to be trained to come online more often, versus the flight or flight sympathetic nervous system.  If you are too much in the latter, your body can’t calm down, digest your food or get you into a more natural resting state.
4. How much sleep are you getting?  Sleep hygiene impacts DEEPLY your ability to respond versus react to life.   It also impacts your brain/cognition, cortisol levels, neurotransmitters, digestion, etc.   Sleep deprivation alone can dysregulate your central nervous system and put your more into flight or fight trauma response which will easily lead to a need for self soothing and food/alcohol/substances are so easy to reach for.
5. Hire a coach or an accountability partner of some sort.  Doesn’t have to be me, however, does need to be someone who has certifications/extensive background on understanding of how the body mind works with self soothing/central nervous system and overall well Being connect to one another.   I wouldn’t be alive today if it wasn’t for coaches/mentors/trained experts along the way.   It also helps to work with someone who has compassionate experience and a story – which is why recovery groups can be popular – however be wary of any type of group or coach who may be reinforcing an “old” story.  Make sure to get testimonials and also look at their core values/life experience.  Don’t hire blindly – it will cost you lots of time AND money (been there, done that!)
   There are, sadly, many coaches/mentors not walking the walk AND talking the talk in synergy.   Whomever you work with should also be modeling healthy boundaries and NOT enabling further codependency (ie texting you at all hours/nights weekends or letting you down/breaking their word multiple times)

6. Write a new story – With our unconscious mind operating our life and creating 90% of our results, this means we get to write a NEW story and let go of the OLD.  I had to let go of my pain/shame/”alcoholism runs in my family” story, as an example.  Many of my clients had to let go of the victim childhood story they unconsciously operated from.  With my help, they were able to do so and embody it (over time). This can take up to 6 months with consistency and patience.
7. Do a cleanse, sit with Kambo or find a way to clean out your gut microbiome to help heal the gut brain, which is our 1st brain in my experience.  Our gut houses, when healthy, our happy hormones and neurotranmistters and helps regulate
8. Take up yoga, especially kundalini yoga if possible.  Either way, yoga has been both scientifically and spiritually proven to help heal trauma, process grief. regulate the central nervous system, unblock chakras, release emotions in a healthy way and work with somatically unwinding the gunk from our body mind that doesn’t serve us and leads to self sabotage.
9. BE KIND TO YOURSELF – I saved the best for last….this is a journey, not a destination, and you’ve got to become your biggest ally, biggest cheerleader, on this path.  No one can walk this FOR you, although yes you can have a lot of support outside of you.  You still gotta be the one that DOES the work and loving yourself thru it is the BEST part…albeit, took me a lot of practice/mantras/affirmations/failing forward to get to where I finally AM my best cheerleader/mother/nurturer and friend with a bit of tough love mixed in.

   You’ve got this!

If you desire any more support, a free consultation with me (and I will refer you out if I can’t help you), please email meat support@microdosingforhealth.com

You deserve the best in 2025 and years to come

It all starts with the first step

If it took me only 3 years of UNLEARNING 40+ years of unhealthy habits, coping mechanisms and toxic self soothing behaviors, there is hope!

This is a brave and courageous path and I am here, cheering you on

Journey on friends

Magdalena Grace is a Mind/Body/Spirit Alchemist and Spiritual Teacher in San Diego who offers up 5 core fundamentals to help women and entrepreneurs live their best life and wake up to their truth. 

She does that thru helping you transform and heal your mind through physical (somatic) and spiritual practices and tools that equip you for a LIFE of significance, love, hope and play

You can learn more at www.MagdalenaGrace.com