Codependency

I have talked about this before and used various words/language around it

Everything from addiction or addictive behaviors

To looking outside yourself for the answers – basically not trusting yourself

Giving your power away to people/places/things/substances

While it doesn’t only revolve around relationships (ie marriage, partnerships, etc), today’s blog I want to share a story on how codependency in business led to some of my most toxic addictions/addictive behaviors

AND how I see it happening all the time around me and with clients now that I healed a lot of my own

Here is a great definition I discovered online, via Journeys Counseling:

“At its core, codependency is a behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. Often emerging from dysfunctional family dynamics, it’s characterized by excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, typically one who requires support due to an illness or addiction. Codependent individuals may find their self-worth and identities heavily influenced by their abilities to meet the needs of their partners, often at the cost of their own well-being.

Signs of Codependency

Recognizing codependency begins with identifying its signs, which may include but are not limited to:

• Low self-esteem: Believing they’re not good enough, individuals may seek validation through their relationships.

• People-pleasing behaviors: Constantly needing to please others at their own expense, fearing rejection or anger.

• Difficulty setting boundaries: Struggling to say no, and often sacrificing their needs and individual wellness for others.

• Obsession with relationships: Spending an inordinate amount of time and energy on relationships, often neglecting personal interests and responsibilities.

• Fear of abandonment: An overwhelming fear of being left alone, leading to desperate attempts to maintain the relationship.”

In 2020, I hit rock bottom with codependent relationships (personal AND business), which had me reach for alcohol, workaholism and smart phone/social media addiction

I was in a world of hurt and couldn’t see the forest for the trees.

After I went thru 2-3 years of DEEP shadow work and intensive healing work (with a variety of modalities), I realized I got to look in the mirror and get out of a victim mentality and be my own hero, learning how to set boundaries again, learning how to say No and learning to forgive those that took advantage of me, as well as forgive myself for allowing myself to be taken advantage of.

As you can see from the title of this blog post, I used the word “Cult”

I wasn’t officially a part of a cult by the standard definition, which is usually as follows:
Cult is a term often applied to new religious movements and other social groups which have unusual, and often extreme, religious, spiritual, or philosophical beliefs and rituals. Extreme devotion to a particular person, object, or goal is another characteristic often ascribed to cults.

Yet, I was, along with thousands of others, involved in the MLM industry and found my way to attract some cult-like leaders who used extreme methods to recruit you AND keep you, leveraging the abusive power of codependent/emotional language to ensure that you “stayed” and “followed the rules” or else

I haven’t been super public about this until this last year and have even talked about it on my podcast twice

CLICK HERE for a very healing/eye opening conversation on the latest episode with my friend and seasoned therapist on this topic, Cathy Harris

I got involved for over 5 years and had no idea that I would be lost in the sea of a deep masculine wound of abandonment that stemmed from my childhood (and ancestral trauma) within this organization.

They used scare tactics of abandonment to ensure that you kept your phone on you 24/7, responded to text messages within minutes of seeing them, being reached at all hours to do their bidding OR you would lose their “favor”

They ensured that we copied that behavior with our team and anyone that didn’t perform to their liking, that we enforced upon them, then they too would also lose their favor.

They would have conference calls at all hours of the day/night

I can’t even begin to tell you how those tactics also trickled down into my marriage and my kids relationships and how often I had mom guilt when abandoning my kids to be sucked into and not present as a result of becoming addicted to my phone.

Later as I saw myself in my healing clients, I realized how many women (mostly) and men were abused like this in Corporate jobs, sales positions and pretty much anything that involved money – this is NOT just limited to cults or MLM’s (and again, not saying that all of these organizations are “bad”, however, I have seen several patterns that they all have in common)

With the creation of Facebook groups, telegram groups, etc., I feared not having my smart phone around because of FOMO (fear of missing out) or that I might be threatened to “lose favor” and respect of my mentors/leaders.

I gave my power away

And slowly, ever so sneakily, the dopamine overdose of smart phone use was overtaken by alcohol abuse….because I just couldn’t handle the exhaustion and was operating from trauma responses such as fight or flight or fawn (aka people pleasing) 80% of my waking hours.  I needed to drink just to slow my brain and central nervous system down.

The average American checks their phone every 12 minutes, or approximately 80 times a day. 64% of Americans own a smartphone, and the percentage is even higher among younger generations. 46% of smartphone users say they can’t live without their device.

If that isn’t codependency, I don’t know what is!

Soon, thanks to being attached to my smart phone way of living, I stopped working out and taking care of my personal needs, I gained 40 lbs, only had surface level friendships and honestly was starting to wake up every day exhausted (or hungover!)

Over time, I started to notice that 90% of the text messages and social media messages were superficial and often coming from trauma responses of fight or flight – ultimately forgetfulness and not taking radical responsibility to figure something out on our own.   We needed that lifeline of texting someone to get an instant gratification response and that became a vicious cycle.  I really started to have more anxiety and irritation on a daily basis and didn’t love what I did anymore.

But I didn’t know how to stop!  I was on autopilot

I had lost myself

Does of any of this sound familiar to you?

I remembered a time before smart phones and texting, back in pre 2000 era and was lucky to have started business long before Facebook and all these addictive smart phone applications and social media platforms.

Life was so simple back then.

And I even made lots of money, had deep relationships/conversations all the time, had lots of friends, was very fit…..

But guess what?

I got that life BACK this year

How?

First, I quit and got out of that cult like group/leadership situation in 2020 and stopped being a brain washed follower

I gave up social media apps, only keeping a few encrypted communication apps on my phone, that I also could pleasantly take off my phone nights and weekends and check only from my computer.  I also only check my apps on my phone that I do keep 2x/day (sometimes only 1x) and never on Sundays

Oh and I turn my computer off most every weekend.

Once I gave up the lie that I peopled “needed” me to be available 24/7 (codependency), I started to find freedom

I healed my father/masculine wound and mother/feminine wounds from childhood (as well as ancestral) and that was KEY for me to love myself, forgive and let go of the baggage that wasn’t serving me

AND helped me prevent myself from attracting any other mentors or coaches like that ever again.

The next step was to heal and regulate my central nervous system from all that dopamine overdosing, clean up my alcohol addiction and learn that I was safe and OK if I left my cell phone off and in another room for the night!

AMAZING!

I lost 30 lbs, healed my relationship with my kids and got back into

The benefits of that I now model and share with my clients.

And I am NOT looking back

In fact, I have a dream that some day I will throw my smart phone in the ocean with joy and bliss

For codependency is NOT just about human dependency and fear of abandonment.

If it freaks you out to think you may not have a smart phone in your hand, you may have issues that are even bigger than you realize.

For the phrase, how you do anything, is how you do everything may apply here.

Smart phone addiction was/is very socially acceptable – it’s like the new alcoholism, but worse.

Society has made us LIVE on our phones….but that leads to shopping addiction (thank you AI and push ads), porn addiction at your fingertips, scrolling addiction, which all leads to less time in nature, less time with friends, less time BEING a human

Is that any way to live life?

Is that helping you thrive and have deep meaningful relationships?

If any of this resonates and you feel you may have an addiction with your smart phone or texting or social media, it is my mission to help you get your life back!

I have helped many clients, mostly moms, find their oxygen mask and remember how to have fun, live and not have their faces stuck in their phones and/or computers hours every day/night

Email me at support@microdosingforhealth.com to see which direction you are ready to head and we will schedule a free, no strings consultation to get you back on your road/path to freedom

You may even simply be 30 days away from a breakthrough!

Much love,

Magdalena