Part of my healing journey with sacred plants, shadow work and microdosing helped me realize that I had EXTREME perfectionist tendencies
Once I started realizing I had these “control freak” kind of natures, I realized a lot of it was root causes coming from childhood trauma. When everything in my life was “out of control”, I adopted patterns and behaviors to try to control my environment
It also created a form of depression and self judgment that was out of control – my inner critic was always “ON”
THEN, once I worked with trauma informed professionals and studied Gabor Mate’s “Wisdom of Trauma” work, I realized (and now teach clients) that I also had a form of OCD, obsessive compulsive disorder
OCD falls into the “Flight” response of trauma responses (fight/flight/freeze/fawn etc)
It is very much connected to anxiety, overwhelm, overthinking/over analyzing, addictive behaviors of escape or overwhelm, panic attacks, etc.
I had ALL of that in spades and usually drank alcohol over these feelings, as well as work over them, addicted to social media..
I just basically could NOT be present
Now, a medical doctor or professional could also diagnose you with this (I did not get that far) and you can have an even more extreme version of OCD, such as any/all of the following:
Individuals with obsessive compulsive disorder can describe feeling driven to do things with an irresistible urge in order to relieve stress and feel better. For those with this condition, ignoring these urges is not easy, and if they can manage, the urge will come back again later. For those with a fear of being infected by germs, it can be common to adopt a handwashing ritual that results in chapped or sore skin, and the condition is often accompanied by shame or other feelings of embarrassment related to the symptoms of the condition.
Obsessions – An obsession is a persistent and unwanted thought, image, or urge that enters the mind and triggers distress.
Common obsessions in OCD include:
Compulsions – A compulsion is recurrent behavior or mental act(s) carried out to provide relief brought on by the distress of obsessions.
I believe anyone with unresolved trauma can have a mild, moderate or extreme sense of OCD throughout their whole life and it can destroy health, finances and relationships – especially if you don’t have any healthy outlets of working out, creativity, friendships, balanced eating, etc (and sometimes one can even be OCD about healing or any of the above!)
Anything that distracts you from health balanced living can become an OCD – aka an escape from truly living!
MY EXPERIENCE/JOURNEY AND SUPPORTIVE TOOLS/SUGGESTIONS
PLEASE NOTE – I AM NOT A DOCTOR OR LICENSED THERAPIST, DO PLEASE CONSULT A DOCTOR OR TRAINED THERAPIST IF YOU STRUGGLE FROM SEVERE OCD AND IT IS DESTROYING YOUR LIFE
Since traditional therapy and grief counseling didn’t work for me, I got to look into plant medicines, breathwork, my own form of meditation, inner child healing/shadow work
All of these helped me – EVERY last one as an integrative approach
Here is a breakdown and suggestions I give to you & my clients to consider:
1. Plant medicines (psilocbyin and ayahuasca, as well as kambo frog medicine) – both deep dive and microdosing with a specific protocol) quieted my mind, helped with somatic release of the stuck traumas in my body, helped me expand/open my heart and also helped me face fears/shadows of these traumas from childhood that held me hostage in my overthinking
2. Breathwork – First with a trained professional, at some local businesses that also offered yoga, and then on my own after my own training, this was a HUGE life saver. The body holds on to trauma and can keep us stuck, no matter how much medicine work, how much therapy, how many friends we talk to or church serves we attend (even meditation daily) and we’ve GOT to process it out of our system in a safe way. Breathwork with a trained professional is HIGHLY recommended first as it can be consciousness altering (and I do mean holotrophic breathwork or something more intense than actual breathing in and out). I screamed, I cried, I wailed and even had significant body movement.
But man oh man! I never felt better. Breathwork helped quiet the mind and heal my body in ways I could ever imagine
3. Meditation of my own with microdosing – I actually had been meditating for YEARS by the time I hit rock bottom in my OCD tendencies….I was actually OCD about my meditation LOL. It had become rote and something I “should” do and very much autopilot. I even drank alcohol once before meditating just because I could. I obviously wanted to avoid the meditation and what might come up.
Once I figured out how to create my OWN meditation process (I can teach you this in another blog post), I was blown away by how much richer it got. I wasn’t trying to quiet my mind or avoid my thoughts – the microdosing with the sacred plants taught me to make it sacred and gave myself permission to go into the shadows and observe the fearful thoughts.
One can totally do this without microdosing, and I do that NOW. But for the first year, it really really helped me to have these beautiful expanded consciousness heart openers inside my Being/gut brain.
I cried tears I hadn’t cried, I felt things I hadn’t felt – and even did some breathing and mantras that came naturally to me – weren’t forced upon me by a religion or a teacher of any kind. I made up my own from my Higher Self and inner child (will talk more about this inside shadow work)
Now I don’t miss a day without meditation and have continued to expand and change my practice. It is not dogmatic or forced or legalistic in any way/nature. It shifts as I do! I highly recommend
4. Inner child healing (aka shadow work) – Part of my OCD patterns were self taught preservation tools I picked up as a kid. I wanted to control things that were out of my control a LOT. I was wound up TIGHT and couldn’t let go of things – so that trauma helped create my monkey mind/EGO to be out of control with rumination/obsessive thoughts.
Once I started my shadow work certification and worked with trauma informed professionals along the way, I started to love all parts of myself. I started to accept my shadows and messy parts/faults. I forgave myself, my family of origin, my husband, former mentors/bosses, friends where I felt hurt by and that, all too often, I hurt in return with my OCD self.
I got to LOVE my little inner girl and also embrace the shadows.
It is (as I am) an ongoing journey and I absolutely still keep processing and learning from my OCD tendencies, trauma responses. In fact, I have made them my friend!! I see them and give them space to move/breathe through my body and central nervous system.
I hope this was helpful
I could go on and on with healthy eating tips, exercise regiments, kundalini yoga, chakra clearing etc…..but that will be in another blog post some day soon
Daily self care is not optional in this human form
By working with those first 4 items above, I was able to love myself enough TO deliberately choose to do self care EVERY DAY FLIPPING DAY
And that is what counts!
If you have any questions about any of this or thoughts, or even want to book a free no strings consultation with me, please do so by sending an email at support@microdosingforhealth.com
You can also learn more at www. MagdalenaGrace.com
Here’s to your highest and best version of YOU
