How Mt. Shasta Broke My Heart Wide Open – Lessons Learned
It has been a while since I had the energy and ability to blog or even do a monologue podcast sharing what I’ve unearthed lately….the past 30 days have been quite a ride
If you’ve been following me for a while, you know my story and how I have said I thought I had “5 levels deep of a brick wall” around my heart due to unprocessed grief and trauma
And for the last 4 years, I have been unpacking that 5 layers deep wall, brick by brick and have found more joy and bliss and abundance as I remembered who I truly am at the very core of my Being.
This year I felt ready to level up and go even deeper into my heart – even picked up a book by Marie-France Louvel called “The Heart Brain” to read on the train ride up to Mt. Shasta last month.
For several months, my husband and I felt called to go to Mt. Shasta in northern California
Shasta is known by many who are on their spiritual awakening journey as the sacral chakra of the planet (some argue it is root chakra – but I don’t have confirmation on that)
People from all over the world ascend upon this small town and HUGE mountain to heal, to rest and to simply just take in the high vibrational frequencies of the mountain.
Thousands come annually for spiritual retreat, sacred ceremony, healing and recreation as have the peoples who have inhabited and pilgrimaged to the area for thousands of years. This mountain was then and is now regarded by many as a sacred spiritual portal allowing sincere seekers the opening for deep spiritual purification, insights, and experiences. Sacred Spirit Mountain is the Pit River Tribes’ meaning of the name for Mt. Shasta.
Purification and a reverent attitude has always been a requirement for the journeys to the mountain
My family and I went there for roughly a week around Father’s Day last month – no work-cation, no business plans, no healing retreat…..just simply BEING as a family and unplugging from work
Admittedly, this was our first real family vacation in years since the pandemic and we were long overdue
And, boy, did the mountain deliver…..from day 1
I was so excited to get there around 5 a.m. to greet the mountain on a blustery morning – grab some coffee, grab a rental car and explore.
We were so lucky to have the whole day to explore and we saw lakes and drove up to the mountain to see some of the first “sacred” sites.
But I was not clued in to the fact that that night, I would have my heart broken wide open and go to the deepest level of my Being in that process
The next morning what felt like a psychotic episode/breakdown
And then the rest of the week I felt radically emotional
I even started my period 2 weeks early….and don’t believe that was by accident
My whole body demanded I cleanse/purge and purify
And I would then proceed cry EVERY SINGLE DAY after that first day on our trip, and every day since I have been home (I went to Shasta on June 15th and as I write this, it is now July 18th)
I had earth shattering messages that helped me open layers of my inner child, as well as adult feminine goddess, look at depths of my shadows and repressed feelings/emotions that I had yet to look at.
That first night I had gone to a sound healing (there is one basically every day in this small town of roughly 3000 inhabitants).
I could feel a tightness in my chest and I just simply felt “subdued” – I can’t explain it any other way.
From the second I laid down on the floor to receive the galactic channel the sound healer shared, I bawled like a baby.
Snot was pouring out of my nostrils, I sobbed and put myself in a natural fetal position.
And I didn’t stop until one hour later until she finished her music/healing session.
And, admittedly, if she had kept going for 2 hours, I likely would have kept crying.
My Higher Self was asking me to look at this one word that I kept hearing over and over and over as I laid there in a heap of tears
“Disappointment”
I asked my Higher self and my guides/ancestors…..what is this about?
The answer became clear to me in the wee hours of the next morning when I bolted awake at 5 a.m.
I did not set an alarm (I was on vacation for goddess sake!) but something woke me up
Due to my extreme amounts of tears, I could barely see out of my eyes – they were near swollen shut
Due to the extreme amount of snot/tears, etc., I could barely breathe out of my nose.
In that moment, I felt like I was going to die and I bolted out of bed in a panic.
I like I was going insane and having a nervous breakdown. Fear was controlling my mind.
I paced the living room floor of our air bnb and tried to calm myself and my inner child who was freaking out.
I pulled out my hape bag (shamanic snuff I meditate with), as well as several oracle card decks – deciding upon the herbal astrology deck – and tried to calm myself. It wasn’t easy and I nearly screamed out for help out loud, which would have awoke my family and likely neighbors.
I meditated, did breathwork, sat with hape, spoke with my ancestors…..and they came back with answers about my “disappointment” realization the night before at the sound healing
I was disappointed in myself
I was disappointed in my marriage
Disappointed in my sexual repression and shutting down my feminine energies for so damn long
Disappointed I didn’t take time to fully grieve after people died in my life
I was disappointed in my career and business partnership choices
But mostly it was a deep disappointment in my life and I realized I had NEVER allowed myself to consciously speak that word or reflect on it
It had been tucked away until Mt. Shasta gave me the vibrational energy to FEEL IT ALL and purify my Soul
For you see, when we cry….it is our Soul healing deep, deep karmic lessons.
I stuffed my “disappointment” wound for decades with busyness – work – alcohol – social media scrolling…it was unconsciously part of what was driving all of that. I didn’t want to feel it.
My ancestors were asking me to heal it – to feel it – and to finally NAME it
For I have learned and teach, you can’t heal what you don’t feel or what you don’t name.
I got to take a good look at disappointment these past 30 days
I got to speak my truth more and more upon this realization of disappointment being something I was running and hiding from
I got to go back again and again to the mountain itself and the lakes/sacred sites for days to cry and let go.
We hired an amazing shaman (with Siberian roots) named Olga….who took us to 3 sacred sites where I kept crying and releasing even more.
I will share more on my podcast if you want to hear about that part of the story – it was pretty darn radical and life changing
In summary, Shasta opened up things for me I was afraid to look at
It was humbling – it was intense – but it was so, so needed.
I researched disappointment and realized it was something hidden under grief/anger and sadness
And thankfully I had already healed and transmuted a boatload of grief/anger and sadness the past 2-3 years in becoming a medicine woman….so my little girl felt safe (and my inner goddess) enough to share this wisdom with me at the perfect divine timing on this trip.
I talked the disappointment out with my coach, my trauma informed therapist session, my husband, several girlfriends…..and have felt soooooo much lighter.
Talking it out is the #1 thing you can do in order to heal it and let it go
It was likely also connected to past lives and ancestral trauma, which is why it took me a whole 30 days to process and integrate and be ready to even share this with you.
I gave myself more time off and more time in nature when we got back home.
It was eye opening, as well as heart healing at the deepest level.
And now I feel more childlike innocence coming through
More acceptance
More peace
More connection with the earth and my children, as well as my friends
I’ve opened up with people that I never had before and I wasn’t scared to be deeply vulnerable
Why am I choosing to share?
I call myself a “wounded healer” – someone who is a healer/facilitator of healing for many clients who have unresolved grief, addiction and trauma wounds themselves and know that they can’t heal this alone.
I know many of you have been hearing a call to Shasta, which I highly recommend (and we will have a retreat there next summer! so stay tuned!)
And I think it is key to remember to remember that time OFF in nature at anytime is necessary for our healing process.
I also love to share what I learn so that it may inspire you to keep going and keep unpacking whatever it is that may be holding you back.
Have you ever felt disappointed?
Have you really looked at that and leaned into it? If not, why not?
What else did I learn?
My heart was broken open so I could love deeper, hold even more space for clients and my family and my Self with more compassion and self love/empathy and all the higher vibrational energies that we all deserve to hold within ourselves
I feel so much lighter and am speaking my truth more to myself and others
I slowed myself down more to allow these feelings to come up and took even more down time the past 30 days
I truly LISTENED to my body and mind and spirit
It wasn’t “easy” and I didn’t do it alone
Sometimes, when we face deep fears, we feel inadequate and afraid to share….and that is a huge disservice to yourself and others.
I encourage you to take more down time for YOU
AND if you have questions on how I worked through my “disappointment” wound, shoot me an email at support@microdosingforhealth.com and let’s have a conversation.
For this now is a very potent medicine I carry in my DNA codes that I just might be able to help you heal and unpack in a safe way.
You don’t need to do this alone.
Journey on my friends
You’ve got this!
With love,
Magdalena
www.MagdalenaGrace.com
